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OH THE DRAMA...
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jeudi, mars 27, 2003
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HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY, VAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
do you ever have one of those days where everything seems to be going wrong then you have a nice LONG conversation with someone and things kind of brighten then you and that same person have another conversation and you both get really depressed again!? well..that's kind of how my day was today. ally, you were soo sweet to listen to me today for 3 and a half hours, but then to call and listen to me for another two...that's just...wow. thanks. i think we've made ourselves feel worse, though, than i did earlier. i don't think i can handle finding out...i want to take it all back... : (
i want to curl into a ball and...oh, i just want it to be over!!!!!!! i don't think i can deal with all this stuff. i can't imagine being on the other side. i think it's kind of turned into a lose/lose situation. no matter what happens someone's going to be hurt and upset (even those who fail to admit it to me will be hurt-ally) and it's kind of not worth it. i mean, i want it more than almost anything in the world, but i don't know if i can hurt someone else for it. (but here i am assuming that i'd get it not someone else...and that's not at all the truth.) I CAN'T COMPETE!!! I'M NO COMPETETION FOR ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE!!!! THIS ISN'T FAIR!!!!!!!!!!! *sniffle* well...what else...yeah...i guess that's it. i'm sad...i'm going to go "sleep over it" and cry some more...haha. wow...i'm soo depressing!
11:41 PM
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