about us going out i agreed. we were going to go (just the three of us, i thought) out after erin got back from orchesis which was going to be around 8:45. well, while erin was at orch. karen called me and asked if i wanted to go with her to the outlet mall. OF COURSE i did, so i went...and ended up buying a sweater to wear out to dinner. we get back and it was around 8:30-8:40 so i was going to just change my shirt, put on my boots and we were going to be out like a light. ...however, britt was going with us and couldn't decide what to wear...and had to change her shirt about a million times and all that wonderful jazz. no big deal. we finally leave around 9:15 or 9:30 to head to austin to go to cheesecake factory (the surprise was ruined...but it's no big deal...) but the traffic was really REALLY bad so we didn't think we'd make it in time so we were going to go somewhere else. oh...things with that just didn't go well, to say the least. anyway, we end up driving around downtown austin looking for a restraunt that's still open and FINALLY around 10:45 decide on bennigan's. now, realize that by this time britt's asked us all if we want to go to 6th street because one of their chi-o sisters is there and wants them to meet up with her, erin wants to go but karen and i don't. they want to be at wine night because that's fun and everyone's going to be there hanging out and all that but they can't be there because they're in austin with me. britt wants wine so she called a friend to get us wine...and he doesn't answer so she calls us party poopers for not wanting to go to 6th street. chris called me when he got off work and i cried to him...which seemed to upset everyone, but i didn't want to tell them why i was so upset. needlesstosay, it was just another "miree birthday".

I FEEL LIKE I RUINED EVERYONE'S NIGHT LAST NIGHT! i mean, they can tell me as much as they want that they were out with me because that was where they wanted to be, but i don't think it's the truth. i'm not calling them liars, but...just didn't fit the bill last night.

THEN on the way home we're talking about sex and stuff associated with it and...just not a comfortable conversation and i could tell that erin was getting frustrated and i felt awkward talking about it where we couldn't walk away from the convo. it's one thing to talk about it here, in our room, where if the conversation gets to be too much for you, you can leave and "go to the bathroom" or whatever, but when you're sitting in a car...it's just kind of awkward. i'm sorry that i'm overly sexually unexperienced...and it DOES suck that i don't know anything. but at the same time, i want that kind of stuff to be special. i don't want it just to be "anothing one of those things." i want to be able to talk to chris about things before we jump in the sack and do stuff. and that's how i think it should be. sex is a VERY emotional thing and anyone who thinks differently should be shot. (no, i'm just kidding about the shot thing, but not about the emotional thing.) in MY opinion it should not just happen with "some guy" because...that's going to be the one you remember for the rest of your life...like a first kiss. i remember my first kiss VERY vividly...even though chris doesn't seem to remember it...but i ALSO wasn't his first kiss. anyway, point being...sex is personal and emotional. i don't feel comfortable talking about it with people when i don't feel comfortable asking questions and get criticised for never having done some stuff. i want to be able to walk away from the conversation when it becomes to intense for me. and i think the only person i should feel comfortable enough to give ALL the juicy details to should be the man i sleep with because i LOVE him.

ps-i'll try to blog while in cali but i'm not going to make ANY promises... have a good weekend...sorry for the bitching!