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OH THE DRAMA...
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lundi, mai 02, 2005
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(this is a downer-pity me post. don't let me waste your time if you're not in the mood.)
well, i was going to blog what was on my mind...until chris got online and i talked about it with him. problem? i don't feel better and i still can't sleep.
do you ever have one of those days where everything's going GREAT until all of a sudden you're uber depressed, don't know why, and can't "snap out of it"? well...that's me right now.
on a slightly brighter note (depending on your side of the conversation, i guess) i talked to rick tonight for the first time in what seems like forever. it was kind of awkward, though. i mean...yeah. with all the stuff from last semester and earlier this semester...i dont know. we talked about 45 minutes and as we hung up the phone my low battery alerted. perfect timing.
ever really need to cry but don't know why or what could just get it out? that's me right now.
ever feel like you're causing someone else serious pain and don't know how to stop yourself? that's me right now.
i just want to go into a corner and cry for about a week...but i don't think it's going to help.
i feel so worthless; so unneeded; so...i don't even know. would anyone care? does anyone care? ...then again, should anyone care? i suppose i wouldn't if i were them.
do you ever think about the people that you treat unfairly or who you wrong? what do you do years later when you look back and feel bad about what you did? what do you do when you look back days later and know that what you did, what you said was harsh and totally uncalled for?
i think i should be heavily medicated for this manic-depressive-ish problem that i really think i have.
i appologize to the very few of you who cared enough to read this and the even fewer (if any) of you who decide to comment. sometimes it's just nice to know there's someone else.
*sigh* i'm going to go contemplate this a little longer in bed. maybe things will make more sense from there than they do sitting here.
11:57 PM
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