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OH THE DRAMA...
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mercredi, septembre 15, 2004
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yeah...so life's not fair. no, this is not a pity-party post. this is an honest to goodness post.
life's not fair. it's PERFECTLY fair to me. i get everything i deserve and more. granted, there may be some times where i THINK life's not treating me right, but i get more options, more chances than most people ever will.
life's not fair. how is it that GREAT guys always end up with crack-head girls? exhibit a: chris and me. he's a GREAT guy, right? we all agree? he's (almost) never been anything but loving either as a friend or as a boyfriend in the whole 7 years that we've known each other. he's always been there as a shoulder to cry on when i was in desperate need...even when he didn't want to be there. he puts up with SOOO much crap that it's really not even funny. how could life spit in his face and throw me into it? me. i'm a fickle, self-interested, super jugdemental, tw0-faced hypocrit who doesn't deserve anything close to him. i deserve someone who treats me the exact way i treat him.
life's not fair. i have been trying SOOO hard to get over the whole "c-word" thing. every time i think i'm *almost* there, something happens and i snap back into "stupid miree" mode. but he sticks around. WHY!? i don't understand why someone would put up with so much for so little a benefit. in my mind i can't logically justify what he does. i just can't. the cost WAY outways the benefits. (and, yes, i did just say it like that for a reason.) because look at it this way: we're 4 hrs apart, yes? (he's at sfa and i'm at txstate for those of you who are confused.) and we've been "together" for 6 years, yes? so that SHOULD mean that when i see him i'm not at all afraid of what people see/think and i'm gunna run up to him and give him a big hug and cover him in kisses and not care what people think of me from that, right? WRONG! no matter how much i say that's what's GOING to happen when i see him, i know that in reality i may run up to him and give him a big, ginormous hug, but as for the kisses? not so much. not in public at least. why is that? WHY AM I LIKE I AM?
why does life have to be so unfair to people who deserve so much from it?
i'm off my soapbox now. hope you didn't mind it too much...
8:15 AM
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